Skulduggery's England
by lumpyspace5566
Summary: Set in Victorian England where Skulduggery meets Valkyrie under slightly different circumstances but they still go off solving crimes and misbehaving. (It's my first story so reviews would be great) (I changed some stuff so the source of their magic is going to be different)
1. Chapter 1

Skulduggery

Skulduggery's feet pounded the cobbled street as he sprinted down the back alleys of London twisting and turning with expert ease. The demented pack of vampires scrambled after him baying for blood no doubt. With a quick glance behind he vaulted over a fence and crouched in a dyeing patch of magnolias. The pack ran past, vicious and frenzied. He stood up in one fluid motion, drew his sleek colt revolver from an inside pocket and drove a bullet into the leading vampires head. Four shots later the pack lay still slumped in Baker Street and the gutters ran red. Skulduggery reached into his coat and produced a once elegant but now ravaged silver pocket watch. With a murmur about being late he turned on his heel and strode into the heat of the city.

It had been a very long day. It had started most disappointingly with the unpleasant discovery of an empty cigar box. It then worsened with the Grand Mage informing him of a pack of vampires rampaging through London. It had taken him until 3:00 pm to track them own and a further hour to get round to killing them. They were only young though, with the holes in their necks that condemned them to an eternity of pain and an undying thirst for blood. His real problem was finding their master as he would be far more controlled and infinitely stronger. Still, another day perhaps.

He climbed into his private coach and lent back on the leather upholstery. He summoned a dancing spark to his gloved hand and lit a fine quality cigar, the first of a new batch. The smoke drifted gently from between the button holes of his shirt and uncovered eye sockets. It twisted and curled filling the small space and as they trundled along he pondered his destination and the potential reasoning behind his requested presence there.

Exactly 15 minuets later, according to the pocket watch, Skulduggery's coach rocked up in front of Buckingham Palace and he got out, briefly marveling at its impressiveness. He marched briskly to a plain white wall at its rear and ran his hands over its surface; he gave a small sound of satisfaction and pressed his thumbs against the brick, hard. There was a deep grumble of complaint from deep within the palace and it arduously rolled to the side revealing a small gap. Silently he slipped through and descended a small flight of stairs then moved up a winding corridor. The place was carpeted with lush red pile and upon the walls hung undoubtedly priceless portraits of every member of the royal family. He paused to admire them taking his time. He strolled on for a short while before entering a small yet lavishly decorated room. In the center draped in enough silks and velvet to clothe the whole of Cheap-side was none other than her majesty Queen Victoria. She raised her beautiful face and said, "You're late"

"Fashionably so," replied Skulduggery without hesitation

"I require your assistance" she said unreadable and clearly not prepared to yield any more information yet.

"A job, for me, well how absolutely darling of you" he said in a playful tone now creeping into his voice

"No," the queen said stiffly "not as such. It's more of a task, a challenge"

"You have me enthralled, do go on" murmured the skeleton, the playful tone giving way to suppressed excitement and thinly veiled expectancy.

"We have a problem one that you, possibly, could solve"

"Oh my dearest Vicky" all sense of mystery was now gone from the room "if you require someone" he coughed suggestively and adjusted his top hat "taken care of, I'll happily oblige"

"Good gracious no, Skulduggery not that the person in question is regrettably my little sister." She said smoothly ", and please never call me Vicky again or I shall be forced to find another skeleton adviser, a task I should not particularly like to undertake."

"A sister!" exclaimed Rune in a tone suggesting he was raising eyebrows he did not have, "you never told me about a sister"

"No and its a fact we have managed to keep many in the dark about but I worry it will be hard to do so for much longer" the queen rose and moved to the window

"Well let's meet her then, any potentially dangerous sister to the queen is a friend to me" he said leaping to his feet with surprising agility

"No, I don't believe that would be a good idea just yet..." she said turning to the empty room

Skulduggery marched down the hall to a neatly dressed steward ducking his hat as he went.

"Afternoon sir, I am her majesty's physician and I am looking for her sister" the steward peered at his shadowy skull

"Begging your pardon sir b-b-but I don't know who you're..." Skulduggery cut him off with a blank stare an impressive feat for a man with no eyes.

The terrified steward began again to stammer his objections to Skulduggery's presence in the corridor before Queen Victoria having caught up with the detective came gliding up the corridor.

"At ease William" she ordered "and Skulduggery, i know it's hard for you but try not to wander off"

"Yes ma'am" he called wandering off

Having successfully commanded Skulduggery to her side the Queen walked through her palace making turn after turn, higher and higher until they reached an attic like floor and came to a halt before a plain wooden door, unassuming and normal. From behind this the sounds of a raging argument drifted. Only one voice seemed to be involved however and it screamed and wept in equal measure locked in some anguished turmoil.

"Don't say I didn't warn you" said Victoria opening the door.


	2. Chapter 2

_Sister's Point of View_

_A tall thin man in an elegant suit entered the room. He wore a neat top hat at a precarious angle dipping over one eye and had the collar of his sweeping black overcoat turned up and buttoned to his chin. Shadows played about his face making it impossible to get a clear view of his features. He raised a cigar to his mouth casting an amber glow over grinning teeth and ebony eyes. Smoke floated about him, again blurring and confusing his image, he breathed out slowly before saying, "You must be Vicky's sister." His voice sounded like melted chocolate, deep, dark, rich, the words seemed to pour from him flowing and rolling. Strangely it calmed her; it felt safe despite all its mystery. She watched his head twitch to the window where rain ran and dripped obscuring the world outside and under his gaze felt her anger begin to ebb away._

Skulduggery's Point of View

He regarded the girl; she was clothed in a long dress made from lengths of almost shimmering fabric that swirled around her in a phantom breeze. It contained every shade of grey, from a pearly mist on a winter's morning to the charcoal slate of London's rooftops as the sun sets. To complete the scale was the inky hair that came cascading past her shoulders and tumbling to the waist, the blackest of blacks. She stood breathing heavily, a slight flush to her porcelain skin her doe-like eyes noting his every move. Victoria appeared beside him and upon seeing the girl became exasperated saying, "Please Stephanie, curtsey to the man, behave like a proper lady once in a while."

Her eyes widened and the dress churned around her, "I shall not. Not to him. Not to you or anyone else. You will NOT control me." She spat her anger clearly flaring again. Wind buffeted the place outside mimicking her thunderous mood.

"Feisty" said Skulduggery not entirely disapprovingly; in fact there was even a hint of admiration in the short statement.

"Don't even talk to me, I know what you are, you're a doctor." A look of disgust and disappointment passed over the pretty face. "There is nothing wrong with me I..."

Skulduggery interrupted saying, "On the contrary there is something very wrong with you. But that doesn't always have to be a bad thing now does it?"

"You ridicule me." She stated "I don't even know what is happening to me so how can you possibly understand. I command you to leave, leave me alone because you cannot help."Again wind shook the windows and a deep peel of thunder growled in the distance.

At this point Skulduggery did not respond, instead he swept the hat from his head turning down the collar also in one graceful movement. He then, with his free hand, clicked once to bring a bright and fluttering flame there illuminating his face. She took in this new information in silence, her eyes running all over his alabaster skull and exposed vertebrae.

"How do you..." she began "I mean where are..." she stopped again before finally saying, "Why are your gloves not burning?"

Skulduggery tilted his head to the side managing to convey a querying look to the girl opposite him. "I am a skeleton. I am a walking, talking, currently flaming skeleton and you just asked me why my gloves didn't burn." He turned to Victoria "I can see the resemblance already."

"I certainly hope not," snapped the queen haughtily, "I shall leave you two alone to discuss whatever you have in common. I can see you will be as thick as thieves so no breaking of the rules Skulduggery. She does not leave this room, she's dangerous." All of his further protests were cut off and she left closing the door behind her as she went.

Now that the queen had gone Stephanie began to ask questions in earnest starting with the second most important, the first naturally being the questionable survival of his gloves. "What is it that is wrong with me?"

"Nothing you're fine" was Skulduggery's immediate answer, "You're endowed with considerable power and possibly unstable magic but other than that you are tip top, hunky dory, a okay."

Will I become a skeleton? Can I make fire? Where do you come from? How many of us are there? And such other questions were all asked and answered with varying degrees of seriousness. Skulduggery explained after some joking that in fact she would not turn into a skeleton and that he was a special case when it came to magic and appearance. He then did what he did best and began to ask questions of his own; how do you do it?

"Well" she began "I have always been able to do things, special things like topple a vase without touching it or pulling things toward me but then recently it has got more so. I can't control it as well and so Victoria put me in here and the only way I could let it out was the weather." She paused. "I just feel it, clouds, wind and being in this room makes me want to raze this place to the ground."

"That is interesting," murmured Skulduggery "It seems you are an elemental ,like me, but with an affinity for the weather" he continued talking more to himself now "Yes it does make sense, only met one like that before..."

"So what do I do" Stephanie beseeched him, fear in those big eyes.

"Oh, I would say stay in the room, don't leave and cover your powers up until they go away."

"Oh" she replied angrily.

"Just kidding, power like that is too good to waste, learn to control it and you never know it might be useful one day out in the big bad world."

"Yes perhaps if I wasn't stuck in this god- awful room and my sister ever let me out."

"We don't have to listen to her, it's not like she's the queen or anything."

He received a scathing glare for that one but before long it dissolved into laughter that echoed down the palace halls for the first time in a very long time indeed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for not updating, much exams at the minute, still that is no excuse, will update more. I have changed it slightly with them having different power sources from the books so sorry for any confusion.**

**Thanks for all of the great reviews, it is so very encouraging :)**

**Derek Landy owns all of these characters. **

Skulduggery of course was not a physician; he was a detective, a conveyor of mischief and sometimes even a raiser of Cain. For this reason he was unable to remain with Stephanie for much longer before being forced to return to his usual line of expertise. For this he was required to delve further into the filth and grime of the cities underbelly and reacquaint himself with a few old friends.

He made the journey to Deed Street on foot savouring the aromas of lamb-stews and sewage, peat fires and vermin. It was the kind of place where even a man with no actual eyeballs could be the victim of a homicide for a misplaced sideways glance. This day however his reputation preceded him and he suffered no unwanted interruptions. Shortly before reaching his destination this seam of good luck ran dry. Skulduggery bumped into (though not literally as he was far too quick on his feet to ever bump into anyone - or at least admit it), the creature lowest on his mental list of people he wanted to bump into. Charlie Scapegrace was as tall as Skulduggery and almost as skinny but that was where the resemblance ended. He had a mop of nondescript hair the colour of sludge and a face like a basset hound in disgrace. He annoyed Skulduggery and despite being a fine detective he was yet to discover Charlie's reason behind their unlikely affiliation. If, in the past, Skulduggery had ever shown him one scrap of affection he regretted it deeply and unreservedly. He tried to brush him off.

"Mister Pleasant sir" he said in his annoying voice. Skulduggery tilted his skull the other way avoiding his annoying face. Charlie altered his course tagging along behind. He sounded upset. Skulduggery cared not.

"Please mister Pleasant sir I just want to speak with you it's my wife see" Skulduggery continued his façade of ignorance zoning out of the man's dulcet tones and walked on. Charlie parked himself in Skulduggery's path with his bottom lip trembling. Annoyingly.

"I think she's..." He started before dissolving into wet tears.

"Psychotic?" Skulduggery asked giving up on avoiding the dire conversation. Charlie gave a slight shake of the head.

"Imprisoned? Kidnapped by a band of rampaging cannibals demanding livers as ransom?" He drawled his smooth voice dripping with sarcasm. There was another shake of the head. "Oh god . .!" Skulduggery's voice turned suddenly serious, ". . . Pregnant?" the apprehension obvious in his tone. Charlie gave yet another shake of the head. "Thank goodness, God forbid that genetic line be carried any further". His patience with the one sided intercourse wearing thin, "Spit it out man lest we remain on this street until I die of old age." the sarcasm returning for the last few words.

"I think she's ..." his words hung in the air ". . . dead" Charlie wept finally.

Skulduggery breathed and audible sigh of relief. Dead he could handle, he was living proof it wasn't that big of an obstacle but any other domestic disaster was simply too much. Besides this was not the first time such a conversation had taken place. She was a disagreeable character and was probably down some back alley stealing from children and kicking puppies and would no doubt return shortly. "Ah I see Charlie, its good all good, she is I am sure in fine health however regrettable that may be, now I shall bid you a good day and with any luck never have to endure your presence again."He strode off and this time was more successful in cold shouldering Charlie until he disappeared out of sight.

The shop he was looking for was located in the centre of a bustling market place that lay in a long forgotten corner. This was because it was visited only by the strange, the twisted and deranged and could only be found by those who knew when it was. It sold odd curiosities ranging from albino peacocks to the latest in scientific instruments. The building he had arrived at was old and crumbling, its ugly face peering out at the street resolutely like an unwelcome guardian, its inhabitant could be described in an identical manner.

Skulduggery pushed open its door and in true "dangerous situation" fashion it creaked and revealed a gloomy and outdated shop with high shelves and floating dust motes obscuring any of its redeeming features. Skulduggery's jaw began open as he went to shout out some greeting but closed it again as he decided that in this situation calling out "hello" was not his best option.

"Bones" wheezed a voice out of the dark, "I've been expecting you."

"I doubt that Kenspeckle, I am today unharmed and in fine fettle" Skulduggery replied in a slightly smug tone. The stooped and wrinkled Kenspeckle Grouse shuffled forth from the shadows .

"I won't always be able to fix you every time you break, Bones in fact I barely know what is holding you together as it is however today you require information, hmm?"Skulduggery shifted himself around some boxes not wishing to prove Kenspeckle right and began admiring some panes of glass.

"You, Bones want to know about the vampires do you not" This seemed to jolt Skulduggery into answering.

"Yes okay you're right but also I require some" he paused clearing casting around for some kind of excuse, "tea" he said quickly

"Tea Bones, really, you're a skeleton" Skulduggery nodded managing to somehow covey superiority in the small movement. Kenspeckle however indulged him leading them down a corridor of his shop/laboratory/ library. A strange noise could now be heard but Kenspeckle quashed any confusion by saying,

"Don't worry it is only the frogs"

"Frogs?" queered Skulduggery

"Yes frogs" Kenspeckle pointed to a door marked frogs

"Oh frogs"

They picked up Skulduggery's tea in a large tea chest covered in stamps and brands; he blew the dust off it before sitting down as Kenspeckle did the same wheezing again with the air of a man about to complain.

"There are rumours" he said eventually "that _she_ has returned from exile and wishes to claim and convert this city you have become so attached to. _She_ allegedly has quite a following now you know and has brought along a friend of yours, of the undead variety."

"No" said Skulduggery simply, "impossible she is gone and shall never return and if that is all you have heard it is a wasted journey for me. It is rumours and that's all it will ever be"

"Just because you don't like it Bones it does not change its validity."

Skulduggery sagged visibly, "It cannot be true fore that would place this city in considerable danger and me without accomplice or hope."

With this he lifted his tea chest, dropped 3 guineas into the till and exited the leaving no evidence of their meeting other than an air of apprehension.

**(spot the Arctic Monkeys lyric that accidentally got in there)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry again for the insane gap between updates, I hang my head in shame. Thanks for all the reviews they're great, especially to MehScrewIt for the much needed motivation.**

**Will try update more often.**

**Derek Landy owns all of these characters. **

It was a cold, dark, November evening and Skulduggery sat turning his long day into a long night in a dimly lit study positively engorged with books. There were ancient tomes of enchanting tales of old, historical diaries of priceless first-hand accounts and even the occasional penny dreadful inspired by his own exploits. This evening he poured over some leather-bound volume ahhing theatrically when he felt it necessary. Eventually he found whatever it was he desired, chuckled his low chuckle and snapped the book shut; rising and bouncing up the stairs with surprising agility given the lateness of the evening. His forced purchase of a tea chest earlier in the day had given rise to a rather interesting experiment that he decided now to enact. He opened the door at the top of the stairs and was swiftly obscured by an aromatic cloud of steam. Unable to drink the stuff he had put the bathroom to good use and made what could only be described as a huge cup of tea. He found the scent intoxicating yet in some way deeply reassuring and so was able to relax and unwind as he had not done in so many years by having a bath. He sank into the water with a barely audible sigh, feeling his bones contracting and expanding and began to meditate.

Four hours later, feeling infinitely refreshed the skeleton rose from the bath. It was an impressive sight as water poured from his eye sockets and dripped from his rib cage and sternum, steam curled around him and outside the slatted window a thin watery light signalled the onset of dawn.

Skulduggery appeared outside his town house in his usual stylish attire and hailed his usual taxi.

"Buckingham Palace if you would do me the honour Harvey."

"Again sir?" inquired his good-natured cabbie.

"I have business to attend to there" he replied simply, showing no signs that daily trips to the palace were anything other than normal.

This was where their conversation ended for when driving the great skeleton detective one learns not to ask too many questions. The streets outside bustled with a hive of activity and the smell of fresh bread drifted into the carriage. The front of a bakery showed a scene of frantic bartering and petty theft. They passed it by and moved forward towards the Palace.

When they arrived, Skulduggery slipped in and made straight for Stephanie's chambers artfully avoiding the Queen of England and managing to steal an apple on his way. Stephanie opened the door without even a hint of surprise and accepted the apple with more than a little disdain.

"I know what you are," stated Skulduggery. He waited as Stephanie stared at him expecting her volley of questions. Though her silence was an admirable quality he decided he preferred being the centre of attention "Okay, well would you like me to explain..."

"Tell me," she said "tell me everything."

"Well," began Skulduggery, confidence restored "you may have heard tell of the Greeks, a brainy civilization who worshipped a collection of all-powerful Gods. They consisted of a main twelve: each with their own specific skills and talents." He paused to check she was following and a slight nod was all he needed. "Amongst these were three brothers called Zeus, Poseidon and Hades. They were truly powerful, controlling the sky, the sea and the underworld; in reality these Gods were in fact merely great sorcerers who bared their powers to the world. Today our gifts flows from them to us; mainly it is a mingling of bloods creating a diverse range of talents but occasionally a descendant comes along with almost undiluted power from one of those original twelve. Even fewer still come along with talents straight from those three brothers.

"And where, pray tell, do I come into this?" asked Stephanie

"Oh dearest, must you ask that" said Skulduggery exasperatedly "controller of the sky, commander of the weather, sound familiar?"

What Skulduggery was trying to convey dawned suddenly on Stephanie's face and an ill-suppressed grin began to emerge. "You mean to say that I..." she paused then began again "I have the power of Zeus?"

"Now I wouldn't go that far. Your talents are mediocre at best and cower in the shadow of my majesty but, with some help maybe they could be."Stephanie stopped smirking at his pomposity and thought again about what he said. "Wait, you mean you would help me?"

"Now I can't make any pro-" he began

"You could get me out of here; oh tell me you will."

"I will have to talk to the queen first" he admitted meekly "but maybe I can arrange something" he finished before she could protest further. With a swish of her skirts Stephanie was up and across the small room wrapping her arms around the hollow frame that was the detective. At first, shocked, he stood there feeling her warmth on his chest where once, long ago, beat a heart. Then slowly he returned the gesture with a gentle pat on the back. When she let go he feigned his usual aloofness and brushed aside her half-hearted apologies for being forward. Secretly however it had been a welcome show of affection and showed an immediate easy trust between them. So together they sat cross-legged on the bed talking of magic and adventures. He told her of the daring deeds he and friends had undertaken and of the incredible people he had met.

"...and then he sprouted wings and took off!"

"Really?"

"No Stephanie that's ridiculous. I shot him."

It was halfway through the tale of his accidental marriage to a sea hag off the coast of Brighton when a very furious Queen Victoria burst into the room demanding to know what in Gods name was going on.

"I didn't expect to see you back so soon Mister Pleasant." She growled menacingly.

"No, well, I was merely... I mean ,I would have asked but I just sort of um..."

"Snuck in" spat the monarch "I want that girl cured not encouraged."

This angered Skulduggery and a fierce aura seemed to build up around him as if something had snapped. He said quietly, "I wouldn't want to have to remind you of your own past to make you understand what is best for the girl, perhaps it would be prudent to hand her supervision over to someone with her best interests at heart, your majesty." The room had gone suddenly cold and for the first time Stephanie felt just a little afraid of Skulduggery. The terrible things he had told her about now seemed a little more real. He sensed this fear and his tone softened as he said, "I'll pick you up at eight and we can see how much Zeus you have in you." He turned towards the door before spinning round to the window with a muttering about imagination.

"Don't be late" said Stephanie quietly still slightly in awe of the events that had so quickly unfolded before her.

"Fashionably so" replied Skulduggery as Stephanie watched him fling open the shutters and turn to leave.

Queen Victoria also noted, with mounting anxiety, the look of admiration on Stephanie's face as the skeleton slipped from the window and out of sight.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry again it has been so long. I know, I'm awful :(**

**Disclaimer- Derek owns all (except Wolfie) **

And so Skulduggery left the palace and continued with the day's misadventures, He found his driver, disappointingly exactly where he had left his and made his way to what was rapidly become another of London's great monuments. It was a remarkably apt place for a horologist to reside in fact, the four faces presided over the whole city and its name was known to all those who saw them. Defined by the bell that rang out the hours Big Ben was home to one of skulduggery's closest of friends. Coincidentally also the best clock smith in all of the land. Despite being visible from many a street the tower was difficult to get to and Skulduggery wound his way through back alleys first in his carriage then on foot eventually making it to his second secret door of the day. He muttered approvingly as inside the wall gears ground and things whirred and clicked before with a theatrical puff of steam a grate opened up just large enough for a very thin detective.

Within lay a positive rabbit warren of tunnels and a seemingly random tangle of dripping pipes, from every direction cogs lurched and misty vapour belched. Skulduggery made his way determinedly upwards in what would have been an arduous journey for someone less well versed in such situations. He climbed up ladder after ladder and even made a brief journey in a rickety elevator before arriving at trap door. He knocked seven times in an indecipherable pattern. Almost immediately it was wrenched open and the space filled by the face of a thin freckly boy with a shock of curly ginger hair that flopped across his forehead. His blue eyes were magnified several times over by a large pair of hugely elaborate goggles.

"Stickman," he said a grin slipping through his seriousness

"Wolfie," Skulduggery replied with equal mock gravitas. They held this for a fraction of a second before bursting into laughter as he climbed into the room above. It should be said that the room in which Wolfie spent the majority of his life was one of extreme beauty. It was flooded with the golden light that poured in through the faces of the clock and its hands then cast long crooked shadows like veins through the room. The light set ablaze a myriad of intricate copper clockwork creations the whirred and shimmered as if alive. There were animals; hares that leaped in shining silver and lions that prowled in all their golden glory. All tiny and with their clockwork hearts peeking out from within. Wolfie was a descendant of the Greek god Hephaestus and clockwork was his forte. Of course neither Wolfie nor Skulduggery acknowledged any of this as the boy had helped the skeleton into the room and immediately wrapped his arms around the bony frame. Skulduggery made vague noises of resistance but subjected himself to the rare act of affection and even patted him on the back (albeit a little awkwardly).

These nicknames had come about many years previous at the beginning of their acquaintance when skulduggery had been in a terrifying fight with an entity more goddess than woman in which clothes had been torn and his disguise undone. He had risen wreathed in flame victorious to the sight of a small boy alone crawling on the pavement. Expecting tears Skulduggery turned away but heard only the word "stickman" spoken without fear and with a heavy Dublin accent. His long still heart softened for the boy and he went to him. He allowed the skeleton to pick him up and settled in his arms as he was delivered him home. Of course his father was so overwhelmed with gratitude and was willing to accept Skulduggery's lack of flesh. The meeting sparked a lifelong acquaintance as the father owned a watch shop and Skulduggery visited often to avail of his father's services but mainly to see the boy. As for the nickname Wolfie that came from his teething phase that led to an affinity for bone, much to Skulduggery's distaste. The boy's father had died and Skulduggery secured Wolfie a home and a job using the skills learned from his father's trade and continued to visit as regularly as his time schedule permitted.

"Come on then stickman, hit me with it. What have you done to the poor thing this time?"

Skulduggery produced his pocket watch somewhat meekly before beginning, "this time it really wasn't my fault"

"Mmmm let me guess," Pondered Wolfie "was it falling from a five story building pursued by were-wolves?"

"Don't be absurd!" He paused, "they were vampires…" he muttered.

Eye socket met goggles and the pair burst into good-natured laughter. Wolfie took the pocket watch from Skulduggery, laid it on a bench and peered down for further inspection.

"Good God!" he exclaimed "What did you do to it?"

Its glass was shattered and its back dented, the cogs within jammed and stuttered.

"You know one of these days I might not be able to bring it back from the edge" Wolfie said softly. The following silence suggested that Skulduggery didn't quite believe him. Ready for a change of tone Wolfie said brightly "so stickman what really did happen?" Ever eager for the latest adventure.

"Not one word from the truth Wolfie, I was being chased by vampires, well I say chased really I was tracking them, the chasing was all under my own terms. I am chased by no man, undead or not."

That's rich coming from a skeleton" Wolfie interjected

"If you think you can tell it better yourself go on ahead" He said haughtily. Frantic shaking of Wolfie's unruly ginger curls signalled he could continue. "Well" said Skulduggery adopting an almost fatherly theatrical air "There I was after three days solid tracking-"

There was a splutter of laughter before Wolfie blurted "Like that really happened you probably bumped into them on your way to buy magic carpets or something"

Skulduggery managed to glare at Wolfie and then continued "So I saw these vampires and I succeeded in luring them down one street however before I could give them a more permanent death one of them broke rank and came right for me, obviously smelling the silver. I backtracked to the rooftops where I deployed some of the hand to hand combat that I picked up in Peru and body flipped it off the roof. Upon inspection of my potential harm to my suit I realised that the vile creature had in fact managed to snatch my dearly beloved on its way out. In fact when I did get to the body I was forced to prise my watch from its fanged jaws.

Wolfie's orb like eyes managed to open wider behind his goggles as he worked away on the very same item. He turned it over in his hands.

"I then was able to continue my pursuit and outsmart them fairly easily. After that, the partnership of my aim and the colt revolver did the rest." Skulduggery leant back in his chair obviously pleased with his work.

"Wow," Said Wolfie "so you got them all then, I mean people were terrified with all of the rumours flying around and dealers selling silver amulets." Wolfie stopped "Hey what's the deal with silver, does it really stop them or what?"

Ah now that is a very sneaky rumour indeed" said Skulduggery "spread by vampires themselves, it is in fact one of the metals that sustains them, they are attracted to it."

"Oh I see, well hopefully that one dies out pretty quickly. Anyway back to the point" Said Wolfie "Does that mean we are all safe now and that they are gone?"

"Oh dear Wolfie you have nothing to fear "Skulduggery replied mockingly "You are totally safe in your tower."

Wolfie blushed and he said defiantly "I ent scared of them!"

However here Skulduggery cut in and said "Enough about the vampires I need to know more of the word on the street, the whispers on corners and the boasted at tavern tales. What are people saying these days?"

"Well I guess it's mainly about the strange pale people that are roaming the streets and leeching people blood but..."

Wolfie you see was employed to keep every clock in the big cities public squares ticking and from behind grate and grilles he heard the gossip from all classes and races and background. This made him a fount of knowledge

"Well they are saying Mrs Colbury is having an affair" He was saying

"Yes. She is, with the butler. Anything of actual consequence? "

Wolfie went quiet and bent low over his work. "What?" demanded Skulduggery "Who is it?"

"There was some talk, I mean I'm sure it means nothing"

"What is it Wolfie?" He said softly

"They say _she _is back" Wolfie replied almost tearfully

"You are not the first to say this to me." Skulduggery then jumped up cheerfully "I'm sure if she is back I will simple devise a wonderfully cunning plan and defeat her saving the world from a dreadful fate."

Wolfie didn't seem wholly convinced but rose himself and handed Skulduggery back a now mended pocket watch. Every time it was broken in battle. Wolfie would engrave upon the back the scene in which it met its temporary demise. It was always ornate and unique and the effort and skill put in never failed to astound. This time it featured a tumbling vampire with grotesque fangs and a rather dramatic looking skeleton detective standing proudly atop a tall building. Skulduggery lit a cigar and Wolfie made some tea as he pleaded for more exciting tales that the detective's ego was all too happy to provide. He then made arrangements for some supplies for the boy to be delivered before preparing to leave.

"Anything in particular this time?" he asked somewhat wearily

"12 bottles of you finest brandy if you would Mister Pleasant."

Skulduggery chuckled and again seemed almost fatherly in his dismissal of such a thing

"Just tea then stickman" Wolfie called as he waved to Skulduggery disappearing through the trap door.

As he heard the trapdoor snap shut Skulduggery dropped the façade of cheerfulness and began to brood on the latest problem. If Wolfie had heard she was back then things really could be getting serious.

The only good thing that had every come from them being in the same country was his association with Wolfie but their last encounter had damn near killed him.


End file.
